Mikey D

Look, we all love our families. For better or for worse, we're always there for them, and always will be. And when favors are asked by family members, we are, more often than not, willing to oblige.

Coincidentally, Grace and I have been asked by each of our families for favors this past week, and we've obliged, but in each case we can't help but feel taken advantage of.

First me. I'll try to keep this story short and to the point. My brother Colin has moved out of D.C. and back home with my dad. He's been unable to find a job, and with a dwindling supply of money, he had no choice but to come back home. Colin, being accustomed to city living now, was disappointed (to say the least) to leave his city life behind. Well his disappointment has turned into motivation, as he's been hitting the streets trying to find a D.C. job.

Okay, in steps Grace and I. We first agreed to help Colin move out of his D.C. apartment with my dad. When we arrived, he had two boxes packed, and nothing was taken apart. Apparently instead of packing and getting things ready, he was out drinking all night (and didn't care that hardly anything was packed...). Sigh. So Grace helped Colin clean his apartment from top to bottom, while trying to get his shit organized. My dad and I started taking apart furniture and loading it into the moving truck. In fact, my dad and I loaded the entire moving truck ourselves without Colin taking one load down. But, family is family, so it's all good.

We unloaded the moving truck back at my dad's, and by this time it was close to dinner. So we went to the Arby's down the street...and I ended up paying for the meal. Not a big deal, but since we helped move him out (and I think the word help is an understatement), it would have been a nice gesture for my brother to pick up the tab. Then again he blew all his money at the bar the previous night, so I guess it was foolish of me to expect anything.

Later I told my brother, since he didn't have a car, that I would be willing to drive him to any interviews he had in the future. I know, I know, I'm a nice guy. So sure enough a few days later, Colin had lined up an interview with a company in D.C. My dad dropped him off at my place and I helped him get prepared for his interview. I examined his resume and made corrections. I printed off copies for him on nice resume paper. I let him use my steamer for his suit and I made him coffee. I let him borrow a professional folder to carry his resumes in. Basically, I hooked him up.

Then I drove him to the metro station that would take him into D.C. When we got there, Colin informed me he forgot his money at home. Deep sigh. So reluctantly I lent Colin my credit card, and told him not to put any other charges on it other than the metro fare. He gave me his word that he wouldn't, and even told me I could check my online statement at home if I was that worried.

After his interview I drove out to the metro and picked him up where he again told me he only used my credit card for metro fare. The next morning I looked online, and sure enough he used my credit card to go out to lunch, as well as for more metro fare. I was disgusted. I called him, and his exact words were, "It's just lunch, get over it." Grrr....

***

Now Grace's sister Amber is moving down from Philadelphia to the Maryland area, and Grace and I have been more than willing to assist in the process. A couple weeks ago she brought down her initial load of belongings, and I left straight from one of my workshops to her new place to help her unload her stuff.

Then, two weekends ago, she came down to do some furniture shopping at IKEA. Grace and I went along to help pick out stuff with her, as well as to help her carry stuff in (she was basically buying everything you need to furnish an apartment). We did just that, and when everything was inside the apartment we began to put some of the furniture together. Her dad helped, Grace helped, I helped, even Grace's other sister and brother-in-law were down to help. Everyone helped...except Amber. She just watched. Grace commented later, and I agreed, that it was weird that she didn't even offer to help, as it was her stuff.

A few days later, Amber asked if I would help paint her living room...with her dad. Not her. Just her dad. Apparently she wasn't making the trip down, but her dad was. Whatever, I've got all summer to sit around and do nothing, not a big deal to pitch in and help. So I did. Her dad and I painted her mammoth living room in one full day. I was proud of us for being so efficient.

Then this past week Amber asked if I would help paint her bedroom...with her dad. Not her. Just her dad. Apparently she wasn't making the trip down, but her dad was. Whatever, I've got all summer to sit around and do nothing, not a big deal to pitch in and help. So I did. Her dad and I painted her bedroom in one day. We even put together some IKEA furniture for her!

Now tonight Grace and I will be heading down to Amber's place because she has a headboard in her car that she needs help taking up to her apartment. Now Grace and I live a half hour away, and Grace works till 7, and with gas prices....but family is family, right??? So even if she lives a half-hour away and it's just a headboard, we should be there to do it. Still, I feel like Grace and I have done sooo much of the grunt work in helping her move down. I mean, we are happy to help, but the problem I have is that she isn't helping, at least not to the degree we are. It is her place afterall...

***

So is there a point where we should stand-up and say enough, or are these just two of those instances where you just have to turn the other cheek and do it all for the love of your family? Is our feeling of being taken advantage of completely unfounded? Is it a feeling that we've fabricated in our heads?

I confronted my brother, as I was genuinely pissed about my credit card. I told him that he was taken advantage of Grace and I, and he scoffed at the notion. As of right now, we aren't really on speaking terms, which hurts. I feel taken advantage of, and he feels that I should just let it go because we are family.

Grace hasn't confronted her sister, but I can tell she's getting a little annoyed. "That's why I love you both," was her sister's text to Grace last night in response to our willingness to help her move her headboard. I'm sure her sister doesn't even realize that we feel taken advantage of. Still, do we say something, or just let it ride? Is this something to make an issue out of, like I did with my brother, or just keep the peace that currently exists?

I guess whether we are being taken advantage of or not, it sure feels like it. I just don't know how to deal with it when it's family that's involved.

~Mikey D