Let me preface this random venting by saying I have no problem with toothpicks. I think they are a wonderful, simple, useful invention. I can't tell you how many times I've eaten a lovely dinner, only to have remnants of said dinner stuck in my teeth afterwards. And what came to my rescue each time? That's right. Toothpicks.
Here's my problem with toothpicks, and maybe since I've moved back closer to the south it's more prevalent, but I absolutely hate people that walk around with toothpicks hanging out of their mouths. It irks me beyond belief, yet people commit this visual atrocity in front of me constantly. Like the other night in the movie theater, a man was with his wife going up and down aisles looking for a suitable seat- with a toothpick in his mouth. Were we in a restaurant? No! Then there is no reason to walk around with a toothpick in your mouth.
Think about it people. The man is walking around with a tool he used to pick crap out of his teeth. Does that not disgust people just a little bit? Do you see me walking around with dental floss wedged and hanging from between my teeth? Or how about me gnawing on my toothbrush as I walk down the street? What makes this teeth cleaning tool okay to walk around with?
I have a couple possible theories. My first is that walking around with a toothpick in your mouth is a visual signal to other people that you are content. Like the fat man sitting at the dinner table with his pants undone rubbing his belly happily, a person that walks around with a toothpick is sending the signal to the world that he has just enjoyed an incredible and satisfying meal. Unfortunately, as a self-proclaimed representative of the world, I have declared that the world doesn't give a shit what you just ate, and would much rather slap that fucking toothpick right out of your mouth.
My second theory is that the toothpick is cultural related. I think all of us have, at some point in our lives, seen or had a stereotypical image of a "country boy". What do we picture? Overalls, plaid shirts, dirty hands, and usually, something in their mouth. A piece of straw? A pipe or cigarette? Chew? Perhaps a toothpick? Maybe I'm way off base here, as I have no factual evidence to back my theory up (other than my nursery rhyme book I had when I was a kid that featured 'Little Boy Blue' chewing on a piece of straw- if that counts at all). It just seems that having something to chew or play with in your mouth is something typical to southern culture. (If you are like me you just laughed at how sexually dirty that last sentence was.)
My third theory is that the toothpick is a sign of male toughness. Again I'm generalizing here, but doesn't it always seem like the guys that walk around with toothpicks in their mouths have an aura of toughness and "I'll kill you mentality" about them? Perhaps it is this aura that keeps me from doing what I truly desire, which is to dropkick the toothpick-chewing person's face so hard that the toothpick pierces their throat, causing massive bleeding and death.
Whichever theory(s) is correct (if any), it doesn't matter. The fact of the matter is that I hate people that walk around with toothpicks in their mouth, and they need to stop doing it immediately. I don't walk around with my self-cleaning products hanging out of my mouth, so you shouldn't either. Perhaps I will though. Maybe I'll leave my used Q-tips hanging out of my ears. Sounds gross and weird, right? But if you think about it, it's not that different than having a used toothpick hanging out of your mouth. One is just mistakenly socially accepted.
Be with me on this public. Hate the toothpick-people like I do.
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14 comments:
I subscribe to theory 2. I bet that most of the people who walk around with a toothpick in their mouth have not used it to clean their teeth.
To me, it's just a fashion accessory, like wearing a hat indoors. And like every other accessory piece, my thoughts remain the same: I wouldn't wear it, but if you like it, go ahead.
It's not supposed to be fashion!!! It's supposed to be used to pick your teeth!
And you're not supposed to wear hats indoors, you're supposed to wear pants that fit your waist, etc. etc.
What fashion is supposed to be and what fashion really is are two different things.
But what's the purpose of a hat? To block out the sun. When somebody wheres a hat indoors, nobody goes "Oh my god, that's so gross!"
That's where it's different with toothpicks. You are looking at things that are supposed to worn, whereas a toothpick should not even be considered as something "worn" as fashion.
I refer you again to my examples of how you don't see people chewing on their toothbrushes out of habbit, or having floss hang from between their teeth.
You are right, what fashion is supposed to be and what fashion really is are two different things. Toothpicks, however, should not fall into the category of fashion, where you have put them.
(repost to fix grammar)
For a lot of people, especially people who wear their hats backwards, the purpose of a hat is to look cool.
You do see people with Afros leave a comb in their hair.
And you're using the word should again. Why shouldn't toothpicks be fashionable? If sticking metal rods through various parts of your body is fashionable, then as far as I'm concerned, anything can be considered fashionable.
Again, listen to my point. A toothpick is a tool. A tool. A tool used to pick your teeth. It is not designed to be worn, displayed, etc.
"Anything can be fashion." No. A toothpick is not fashion because it is not designed to be worn. The comb in afros- not fashion- and shouldn't be worn. But sticking a comb in your hair isn't as bad as walking around with a toothpick in your mouth.
Go back to my original post. I'm arguing that people that walk around with toothpicks in their mouths looks stupid- and it needs to stop. My point isn't so much about the fashion of the toothpicks. I feel like we're arguing something I never brought up in the my original piece. To quote myself:
"Whichever theory(s) is correct (if any), it doesn't matter. The fact of the matter is that I hate people that walk around with toothpicks in their mouth, and they need to stop doing it immediately. I don't walk around with my self-cleaning products hanging out of my mouth, so you shouldn't either"
I understand that it was designed to be a tool. MY point is that it doesn't matter what it was originally designed for, this is what I think it is being used for now. I further understand that your point is that it should not be used for that purpose. I AGREE!
I also think that metal rods with rocks stuck to them shouldn't be used as fashion.
But I'm not going to hate someone for choosing a style that I wouldn't choose. (Except for people who wear winter hats indoors in the summer. Those people, I hate.)
"I further understand that your point is that it should not be used for that purpose. I AGREE!"
"But I'm not going to hate someone for choosing a style that I wouldn't choose."
Stop looking at it as fashion!!! It's not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT IS!!!!!!!!
It shouldn't be, but it is.
I guess this is the point we will forever disagree with. IS NOT!!!
Fun arguing. I actually didn't think we debate/argue with this post. Oops, I was wrong.
This made me think of 2 things:
1. Razor Ramon.
2. Stacey's uncle Lou from New Yawk. He definitely does it as a cultural thing.
P.S. Some do it for fashion, I side with Kevin. Maybe it wasn't meant to be fashion when first designed, but it has turned into a fashion. Why do I know this? You said it yourself... certain people do it to project a certain image (satisfaction, "country boy", or toughness).
Still not fashion in my opinion. Misusing a tool is not fashion. When somebody bites their nails, we don't say, "that dude looks cool, look what they're doing with their teeth!" Tools cannot be fashion. Something that is not meant to be worn should be not be considered fashion. When somebody sees somebody "wearing" a tool, they should immediately call them a tool in response.
Oh, and I can't tell you how many times I thought of Razor Ramon as I wrote this. And he used to be my favorite! Not so much because he chewed a toothpick, but more because I knew he'd use the toothpick as a weapon/intimidation. I miss Razor...
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