Mikey D

One of my favorite sayings is, "Winning by cheating is still winning." Why? Well, for one, it's true! But also because it seems to rile people up whenever I say it so matter-of-factly. I use it all the time whenever I play board games with my siblings (the oldest always has to win), lay more than one card at once during a game of Uno, or randomly during a game of "Red Light, Green Light". The reactions I get from people are just priceless, and rather comical, since I'm so blatantly cheating just to get a rise from them (yeah I'm a prick sometimes).

"Cheating is wrong!"
"But it's not like winning for real."
"You shouldn't feel good about winning, you should feel guilty because you cheated."
"You are sending the wrong message to kids."

People please. If I was halfway serious with that statement there's no way I would have ended up with countless jobs working with children, or perhaps with this degree I hold that says I'm somewhat qualified to teach children. Get off it.

These reactions from people, however, do make me think about cheating. Not in the context of games, where cheating results in a win or a loss, but rather in life- in our own relationships. Yes, you can cheat in other ways than during the family game of Monopoly. You can cheat on people. What's more (and worse), you can cheat on a person that loves you. You can cheat in your relationships to the point that there is no winner or loser, just lives that become forever ruined and wrecked.

"Cheating is wrong!"
We say it all the time. Then why do we do it? What makes it not okay to cheat during a game of Uno, but okay to sleep with a woman who is not your wife? I know a couple of guys that had sex once with this older woman.....at the same time. The kicker? She was married. With kids. And they both knew her husband. I know, I know. That's so wrong! You're preaching to the choir. At the same time, however, how surprised are you nowadays to hear such a story? Okay, maybe a little surprised. Put it into perspective though. A story like that in this day and age compared to a story like that fifty years ago? Twenty years ago? You just didn't hear stuff like that. So I ask you, if cheating is wrong, then why is becoming more and more popular?

Because people are weaker now than ever before. We live in a world today where we can have everything at our fingertips, without actually having to lift a finger. We literally don't have to leave the comfort of our own homes to get or do anything anymore. And as awesome as that sounds, it's having an affect on how we run our lives. We aren't used to doing anything "hard"- from labor to love. I feel like there is a correlation here to our relationships and cheating. If we fall out of love with someone or choose to date other people, it is much easier for people nowadays to cheat their way out of a relationship. Not so much because it's the right way to go (because "cheating is wrong!"), but because we are too weak to end a relationship the way we know we should. We don't want to do the work anymore. We don't want to have to lift that finger. Should the woman who did two of my friends at once (sick) have ended her relationship with her husband. Yes. Is she a coward and weak for not doing so? Yes. Will it eventually end the right way? No.

"But it's not like winning for real."
I have a friend who is still under the impression that it is "awesome" to sleep with as many women as possible. Every once and awhile he'll give me a phone call to brag about his latest conquests. Kudos to him, right? Isn't it every man's goal to bag as many bitches as possible in a lifetime? Everybody has a high opinion of men who can sleep with all the dirty women in this country, right?

I have another friend who is this bubbly, energetic, and fun loving girl. Her personality is like a magnet- you just want to be around her. Unfortunately, she treats herself like a piece of garbage when it comes to relationships. She likes to brag about the men that she sleeps with; as if people will be impressed. Is she really happy she's able to bang a lot of different guys? Probably not. Then why does she pretend to be?

And why is my other friend happy he's slept with so many women (thirty to be exact...all while he has been in a three year relationship with a lovely lass)? I really think that it comes down to two reasons:
1) It is expected that young people have sex and not settle. You hear things all the time from parents about "Don't grow up too fast", "You're too young to settle down", "Enjoy your youth while you have it." Are these regrets from our parents, or misconstrued advice? I'm sure a little of both. I'm sure that a lot of our parents settled down too quickly, and wish they hadn't been tied to the responsibilities of life when they did, but at the same time I don't feel like they wished for their children to fuck anything that walked. I think that kids today feel like it's okay to sleep with whomever they please without a care in the world, and that's where it's wrong. Why? Because by doing so you lose the morals our parents, their parents, and generations before us tried to instill. You make sex cheap and meaningless, thus loosing one of the most beautiful things a man and a woman can enjoy in a relationship, and on a more higher level, love.
2) We are applauded for the sex we have. It is "cool" to have sex with as many women as possible, and it is a badge of honor to nail the hot guy at the party. When did fornicating with as many people as possible become a source of pride? And why is the guy or girl who remains faithful to one woman his entire life considered a loser for not getting out there and tapping more ass than he could have?

People think they're succeeding in life by having more sex than the next person, but it's quite the opposite. They're not succeeding. They're not winning. The person who is winning is the one that understands that there is more to a relationship than just sex. There's the real winner.

"You shouldn't feel good about winning, you should feel guilty because you cheated."
Let me tell you a story about a guy named Ron. Grace and I both have babysat for his family. He has a couple young twin boys, and the most beautiful little girl in the world. Whenever Grace would babysit them alone, I would come over around bedtime just to help put the kids to sleep, because they are exactly the type of kids that I want to have when I am older (and ready). Ron is one of the luckiest men I know. Beautiful kids, a great wife, a $100,000+ year job, and a fantastic house- what more could you want?

Apparently for Ron it's a lady on the side. At a convention in Chicago Ron met a married woman from Seattle. From Seattle folks. We're talking 2,000+ miles away. One thing led to another, and they ended up making out at a bar. For shame...

But it didn't end there. Last week Ron flew to San Francisco to be with his dying aunt (true story). A funny think happened though. In a strange and coincidental event of fate, the woman he met from Seattle happened to be in San Francisco at the same time. What's more, she happened to be staying at the same hotel...in the same room. I know, totally weird. This time making out led to sex, and their relationship just took a step from wrong to more wrong.

When Grace told me this whole story, I was appalled. This man has it all. If he wasn't happy with his wife, why didn't he just talk with her? I know that wouldn't be an easy conversation, but right now he looks like an absolute coward and terrible person. And if his wife ever finds out...things will definitely be ten times worse. His reaction by the way?

"We're planning to meet again in July in Chicago for a weekend."
"I don't even feel guilty about it."
"Someday I will get a divorce."

The bad part for me is that I will more than have to look this man in the face again, and I will more than likely watch his children while he and his wife go out. It makes me sick to my stomach, but I know have no right intervening in their business. The bad part for him, however, is that he has to go through the rest of his life knowing he cheated on his wife, family, and future, whether he feels guilty about it or not. Which leads right into my next point...

"You are sending the wrong message to kids."
In today's society, cheating on your significant other has become practically forgivable, and in some cases, accepted. How many of you know of someone who has cheated on their significant other, and the significant other stays with them? How many childrens' lives and families have been destroyed by a cheating parent? And riddle me this, how many of you out there think that children are so blind and naive to see what is really going on? Let me tell you, children aren't as dumb as you think. They follow by example and lead, and are perceptive to everything. If parents don't take their relationships seriously, what makes you think their kids will? What makes you think kids, who grow up in a time when marriage is but a contractual agreement between two partners, will ever learn to love another person enough to treasure the growth and wonderment that comes from a special relationship?

I've just recently watched a movie called The Last Kiss starring Zach Braff. To me, it is the epitomy of the point I'm trying to make. In it, Zach cheats on his pregnant girlfriend because "something is missing" from his life. Apparently it is a young hussie, (Rachel Bilson, who is way hot) who he sleeps with once. Suddenly he sees the err of his ways and realizes that he loves his wife more than anything. He does everything in his power to get back with the woman he hurt, and eventually, she forgives him and takes him back. Roll credits.

What message does that send? First off, if Mr. Braff was missing something in his life, he should, and this just might be me talking out of my ass here, talk with his girlfriend. I know it sounds crazy folks, but communication probably could have solved Zach's little dilemma and saved the world from this atrocious movie ever being made. I know it's just Hollywood and all, but this is the type of movie that is representative of 21st century living. There is a reason the movie received two thumbs up, and I believe it's because it embodies the American point of view on relationships completely. And this is the message our kids are getting. Oops.

Open your eyes and look around you. It's not right. I know some of the anger I have comes from being cheated on myself, but I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I know because there are people out there who believe in the simple and fantastic joy that comes from enjoying life with a person that can make you laugh and smile for no good reason. A person that makes you happy to be in love...

"Hey! You cheated! I saw you!"

Yes, but not with your heart.

~Mikey D