Mikey D

Yesterday I got to go to Medieval Times for my belated birthday gift from Grace's family. For those of you who do not know what Medieval Times is, it is basically a dinner show where they serve you dinner and have reenactments of medieval fights between knights, and there is a whole story that goes along with it. I've been wanting to go for awhile, as I really wanted to have a delicious feast while watching knights joust.

First, if you were wondering what all the 'Dungeons and Dragons' nerds did for a living, I now know. They like to dress as knights, kings, wenches, etc. and do reenactments in a fake castle that is connected to an outlet mall. Who could have known?

When you first enter the castle, you get a crown that has a color on it that indicates which knight you will be rooting for. We got the red knight, which pleased me greatly (brick red being my favorite color). Our sworn enemy was the green knight, which puzzled me because red and green just seem to go together. Like Christmas. You can't have red without the green during Christmas! Plus the green knight ended up being the evil knight, and I kind of liked the idea of rooting for the bad guy. Still, our red knight was kind of kick-ass. I might have developed a man crush (his grin...he had such a confidence about him!).

The show began with the prince of the castle being taken prisoner. After a small fight, we were introduced to the king and the princess, who whined and moaned about the prince's return. Yeah, I wanted to slap her just to shut her the hell up. But just as soon as the prince was taken captive, he was forgotten by everyone, including the king. Instead of worrying about his return we all enjoyed our delicious feast!

We got to start with vegetable soup, and there was no silverwear (just like in medieval times...clever, clever), so you had to sip it out of the metal (pretty sure it was made of lead) bowl they gave you. Then we got garlic bread, followed by half a chicken. This half of chicken was awesome. If you ever want to feel like a man, just cook yourself half a chicken, plop it down on your plate, and eat it all with your hands. Just an awesome feeling. And the chicken was damn good too...cooked to perfection. They followed that up with a piece of rib and half a baked potato. Damn good medieval times food right there. And the best part? It was served by our wench of a waitress. She even called herself a wench which I'm still laughing about. Kind of degrading to the 21st century woman, but yet still appropriate =).

Like I said, they kind of forgot about the prince. They then decided to have games between the knights. They had a mini-knight tournament, which was fun to watch. Since I enjoy fake fights (wrestling fan for life), this was right up my alley. The first fight was between the green knight and the yellow knight (who was black...did they actually have black knights back then?). Being the bad guy, everybody rooted against the green knight. Of course he won though, much to the dismay of everyone. Then the red & yellow knight beat the black & white knight in a match no one cared about, with the red & yellow winning. Then it was big red's turn. He took on the blue knight and promptly dispatched him, because the blue knight is a weak-ass bitch. Our victorious red knight then took on the red & yellow knight, and faster than you could say, "Hey, they both have red in their colors, can I root for both?" our red knight took an axe and laid the red & yellow fucker out.

Now Adam you would appreciate this next part. As the red knight was celebrating his second victory, his enemy, the evil green knight, came riding out on his horse and stabbed the red knight in the back with his jouster, killing our hero. It was straight out of the villain pages from the WWE, which means I enjoyed it greatly (except the guy we were rooting for didn't get a fair fight, but rather got murdered). That's when the prince returned, fought the green knight, killed him, and everyone was happy. Why he was captured and let go to return to his castle is beyond me. Perhaps better script writing could be done about this.

All in all I really enjoyed the experience. I really got into the fights; you can ask Grace about that. If you ever have a chance to go to one of these shows I think it's worth it. Yeah it's corny and fake, but it was still fun.

Plus you might be able to get some cool D&D knowledge nuggets. Wow, that's two posts in a row with Dungeons and Dragons references. Who am I?

~Mikey D